Where Are The Dogs?

36 Pounds

I lost 36 pounds

No congratulations wanted or accepted

Even though I did it on purpose

I can tell you all the right reasons why I did it

About blood pressure and cholesterol and protecting my joints

I can tell you about how I did it the right way, got all the gold stars

Eat food. Not too much, mostly plants, thanks Michael Pollan

Another man who knows what I should put in my body and where it should come from

And those things are true

I’m afraid of dying, afraid of diabetes and strokes and heart disease and kidney failure

Which are responsible for 35% of dead American women every year

I am afraid of the cancer that haunts my family reunions

And which they tell me feeds on every bad thing I’ve ever done

But that’s not why I did it

That’s not what I was most afraid of

I was just afraid to be fat

I was afraid of workplace discrimination and social erasure

Of the increased risk that I would be asked to be glad men’s violence against me

Because I should be grateful they pay attention to a fat girl at all

I was afraid of spending twice as much on clothes to have them fit half as good

I was afraid of back pain from hunching my shoulders trying to disappear

Of heartache from trying, and failing, to be seen

I did it because I just knew my life would be easier

And I wanted it to be easier

To do it

I gave money to people who profit off our shame

Whose shareholders invest in our perpetual sense of inadequacy

Not because we have done too little but because we are too much

Take up too much space

Talk too loud

And need too much

I gave them my money

I helped keep them rich

I proved them right that whatever they’re saying is working

It’s successfully carving out pieces of us

From our insides, hollowing us out of our worth and our wisdom

Regardless of whether or not what they’re selling is really

Carving in the curves of our flesh.

I don’t know how I feel about this

Because my life is easier, and I’m glad about it

My clothes are cheaper and easier to find

People are nicer to me

My diabetes risk rating on the ADA risk test is zero

I can eat food in public and no one stares in disgust each time I open my mouth

My hiring prospects have improved

And my wages will not be garnished by discrimination to pay rent on the extra space I take up

But other people’s lives are worse, and I’m guilty about it

I’ve gotten what I wanted by supporting what eats us

I have made it just a little bit easier for people to feel smug and comfortable

When they use weight as a shorthand for worth

Especially if they know I lost weight

A little easier for them to say to someone else

She did it, can’t you?

You must be too lazy or too stupid or too weak

To take control of your life and show some self-respect

By turning into something more convenient for them to look at

I look inside my head and I wonder

By choosing easy

Have I gotten smaller?

phatbootycuties:

Rhythmic Gymnast Shin Soo-ji’s First Pitch. Impressive.

(via steviefuckingnicks)

humansofnewyork:

"I do social work, focusing on young families. Basically I play and dance with babies."

humansofnewyork:

"I do social work, focusing on young families. Basically I play and dance with babies."

“Criticisms about representations of gender (or race and other diversity) are often countered in fandom by sociological or scientific analyses attempting to explain why the inequality happens according to the internal logic of the fictional world. As though there is any real reason that anything happens in a story except that someone chose to write it that way.

Fiction is not Darwinian: It contains no impartial process of evolution that dispassionately produces the events of a fictional universe. Fiction is miraculously, fundamentally Creationist. When we make worlds, we become gods. And gods are responsible for the things they create, particularly when they create them in their own image.

Laura Hudson writes about the shotage of women characters in Star Wars fore Wired.com in her article "Leia is not enough:  Star Wars and the woman problem in Hollywood."

"Science fiction in particular has always offered a vision of the world not myopically limited by the world as it exists, but liberated by the power of imagination. Perhaps more than any genre of storytelling, it has no excuse to exclude women for so-called practical reasons — especially when it has every reason to imagine a world where they are just as heroic, exceptional, and well-represented as men."

(via rebelrebeluniverse)

(via summer-of-supervillainy)